Coffee Talk
by Reichenbach
Summary: Young Justice discusses what they heard on the Oracle line. Robin has a minor melt down.


Ok, so i must be stopped. Call out the national guard.   
  
Coffee Talk  
**  
  
Cissie King Jones leaned over her hot chocolate, intent on the   
conversation she was having with Kon El and Cassie Sandmark. "And   
they did WHAT with the bat-cuffs?"   
  
Kon nodded. "I know," he said calmly. "I couldn't believe it either.   
It was like… NUTS."  
  
"I don't even think half that stuff is LEGAL," Cassie, aka Wonder   
Girl, pointed out. "Not in THIS state."   
  
"It's only illegal if there're farm animals involved," Cissie stated knowledgably.   
  
Cassie and Kon looked up from their drinks. "Should we ask how you   
know?"   
  
"Should I ask why you listened in for over an HOUR? Should I ask why   
you let BART listen to that?"   
  
Both parties at the other end of the table nodded. "Good point," Kon   
said. "I swear to God, I heard a mixer in the background."   
  
"You're not religious," Cassie pointed out.   
  
Kon shrugged. "Another good point."   
  
They drank their hot chocolate in silence. It seemed like a perfectly   
natural, perfectly mature conversation, now that they'd gotten over   
the initial giggling fit.   
  
"Hey guys," Robin said dejectedly as he entered the kitchen. "Any   
Swiss Miss left?" He'd had a rough night, and something warm and   
soothing sounded about right. It didn't have the Alfred seal of   
approval, but any port in a storm.   
  
The three occupants stared at Robin as he went for the cupboard over   
the sink and began fishing out a little paper packet of chocolate   
mix. He was just a liiiiitle too short for the high cupboard, and   
they kept stuff there just to spite him. Cissie was the first one   
who found her voice. "So… Robin. We were just wondering… what all   
Batman taught you."   
  
He jumped up and grabbed the box as he came down. "That's   
confidential," he said conversationally. Taking two packets out of   
the box, he put it on the counter. It was turning into a two mug day,   
and it had just started. He was on his guard, he was sure Nightwing   
was going to annihilate him at the nearest opportunity. That, and he   
was having trouble dealing with the thought of Batman, Catwoman   
and `arrangements.'  
  
"Well, you learned a lot of martial arts stuff, right?" Cissie asked.   
  
Robin shrugged, searching for a clean mug. "Yeah. I didn't learn all   
of it from him though. I did study abroad for a little bit."   
  
"Hehe. Abroad."   
  
Cassie smacked Superboy.   
  
Cissie leaned forward on her elbows, rolling her shoulders   
forward. "Well, what did you study?"   
  
"What's with the sudden interest?"   
  
"I don't know. Just… wanna know how much you know about stuff."   
  
"Well, I studied in France off and on for a little bit." He saw their   
eyes light up at the mention of France. "Paris is ok. Awful dirty."   
They seemed really impressed by him having studied in Paris. They   
didn't even bother to ask what kind of martial arts one could learn   
in Paris. "And um… I spent some time with Lady Shiva." That ought to   
scare them into not asking any more questions, Tim thought.   
  
"What'd you study with Shiva?" Wonder Girl asked.   
  
"How to rip the hearts out of people quick enough that they can look   
at their still beating hearts before they die," Robin said   
flippantly.   
  
"Batman worked with her too, didn't he? Did she teach you anything   
else?" Cissie asked attentively.   
  
"Ok, you guys're just freaking me out." Filling his mug up with   
water, he put it in the microwave. "We gotta get a can of baking   
cocoa. Remind me to put that on the shopping list. We can make   
cookies or something."   
  
"What do you know about tantric sex?" Cissie asked suddenly.   
  
"WHAT?"   
  
"I don't know. It was just a question," she said non-comittally. Just   
wondering how… complete Bat-training gets."   
  
Robin rolled his eyes.   
  
"Well, I was just wondering." She shrugged.   
  
Kon piped up next. "What I am wondering is… does he teach you how to   
make a woman scream like that? I mean, holy hell, I thought she was   
going to DIE. And the kinky shit… was that like… perverted, or was it   
some kind of weird sexual kung-fu? And how can I get hooked up…"   
  
"Oh man. I can NOT believe you guys heard that."   
  
Cissie scowled at Kon. "Don't mind him. He's just… immature. So like…   
are you seeing anyone?"   
  
"CISSIE!" Robin cried, embarrassed. "I have a girlfriend. And she   
has a mean left hook."   
  
"So do you and she…"   
  
"NO."   
  
"Did he teach you stuff like that? I mean, can you teach me how to--"  
  
"I can NOT believe we're having this conversation."   
  
Cissie rose and grabbed Robin's arm. "I didn't really think about   
stoic guys… but I guess you guys must be real ANIMALS…"   
  
Robin shrugged her off. "You're all sick and perverted, ok?"   
  
"And what about Bat folk?" Wonder Girl asked.   
  
"Nightwing is the ONLY pervert in the Batclan," Tim said defensively.   
  
"So what's Batman's deal?" Kon asked.   
  
Tim swallowed, panic enveloping him. "BATMAN'S deal? He claims he has   
an arrangement with Catwoman (eww), but no one can prove he's had sex   
in this century or the last. Ok?" He couldn't believe he'd just said   
that.   
  
"Nuh uh," Cassie interjected knowingly. "We heard--"  
  
"Oh my GOD. You people are STUPID. That was NIGHTWING." Robin buried   
his head in his gloved hands as the microwave dinged behind him.   
  
Kon still persisted, however. "So... if the Bat's an anal-retent,   
where'd Nightwing learn all that shit? I mean... what the hell were   
they DOING with those bat-cuffs? Of course, I saw his first girl   
friend. The chick with the orange skin? MAJOR rack. She probably   
taught him how to be a real sex machine--"  
  
"Kory was NOT his first girlfriend. That WAS his first girlfriend   
that you—NEVERMIND. GOD."   
  
"Starfire wasn't his girlfriend? What'd she do, keep him as a sex   
slave? Maybe that's what Oracle does. I mean, sounded like he was   
servicing her hard drive REAL good…"   
  
"Oracle sounded like a real nymphomaniac," Wonder Girl pointed out   
conversationally.   
  
Robin's face was red. Not from embarrassment. He'd gotten over that   
last night with the first onslaught of "Bat-porn." No. It was anger   
and frustration that were causing his blood vessels to pop. "CAN YOU   
GUYS SHUT UP? Our sex lives are none of your damned business! It's   
not… it's not…. Coffee talk! You're a bunch of sexual deviants and   
social degenerates! Just because they're broadcasting live doesn't   
mean you… you FREAKS have to listen in on the show!" Giving up on hot   
chocolate, Robin stormed out of the room.   
  
"Our sex lives?" Kon asked angrily. "The little twerp's getting jiggy   
with Purple Girl on the side! He has the charisma of a dead fish, and   
HE is getting… It's my curse. Good looking, personable, and HE is the   
one getting laid."   
  
Cissie and Cassie's shoulders slumped, and they gave a collective   
disappointed sigh.   
  
THE END. 


End file.
